BREAKING FREE

A friend of mine asked me
Why I was so?
I had no answer.
Yet I explained to him.
I was afraid of happiness & joys.
I feared those happy moments
Which precede the sad ones.
I avoided those wet lips
Which welcome moist brows.
I cursed a hum
To shallow my sob.
I was never happy nor lively
To the fullest of my heart.
I smiled – no giggles;
I hummed – no songs;
I tapped – no dance;
I listened – no speech.
I led a followed life.
I inhaled a sweating air.
I dreamt of me
-- With no dreams in.
I loved myself
-- With no love being.
I knew my future only
As an elongated present.
I knew my present only
As my past’s rudiments.

But now I feel!
No answers for ‘What?’
Yet I understand
I’m changing, for I’m feeling.
Now, I shall have friends
-- For merry, not mocks.
Now, I shall love to live
And like to die.
This Second is mine.
Next is His.
I’ve to be happy
To enjoy His bliss.
My heart is all full of blood.
It beats & I hear the notes.
My mind is weightless
It seems it floats.

A thought still occupies little space.
I’m helpless.
It comes to me back.
“These lines are short
And very restless.
Some long hours will bring some long lines.
I’m not waiting; you may know.
I’m breaking chains ring by ring.
The syllables are lost; you may note.