Had penned this some years back..
"One thing, one of the most important things about me & my life, which I’ve come to know, today is that I’m not emotionally dead. This startling fact was revealed (read realized) by the painstaking method of careful examination of one’s own retrospect. Self-introspection is a great tool to rectify oneself but it works only when it is used too often; else it refrains from resuscitating the reticent. The sword of an executioner ensures a facile head-off. But that of a retinue may very possibly betray the beholder. I, therefore, prefer retrospection to introspection; the latter often invites procrastination. And the former’s caravan piques.
"I learned, a few days ago, about the sad demise of one of our family friends. He was an ASP, in the district of Darjeeling, but neither his nature nor his nurture complimented his police-service. He was a man, calm & kind, pious & honest, simple and modest. He loved his family & friends,. And we were all praise for him. He was lynched – he was fasting -- on duty. He had a service revolver, but his kindness and gentleness made him abstain from firing at the mob or even in the air. My father said, “lynching”. I could not understand. It took his narration of the whole tragedy to make me realize only what had occurred. But still, I couldn’t completely believe his words. Such a confrontation with such a human was unbelievable. And even today I haven’t been able t accept the very fact that his body has been laid to rest. His simmering face still lingers in my thoughts. I vividly see the noble & innocent expressions above his mantle. He is alive, very much alive. How can he be dead?
"I was shocked to hear the news, I was speechless, and went into oblivion. After some minutes, the tragic drama was comprehended but not yet accepted. It’ll take a good portion of my life, possibly the whole of it, to believe, accept & realize that a Man is dead.
"Here are some observations and inferences of retrospection. I didn’t shed a tear. My wild thoughts were busy with my friends. My sub-conscience was possessed with him & the last rites of which I was not a part of. And this continues till date.
"I don’t say that I’m a optimist who refers to a cyclone as a breeze. I can’t do so, because I don’t know, what a cyclone is, what its impacts are. I’m just indifferent to a cyclone or a breeze or a gale or a typhoon or a vacuum. I do not know, if it’s a quality or a flaw in my character. I just let things happen and then accept them –if I cannot do much—as the Almighty’ Will. My patient faith proclaims, “Whatever happens, happens for the good!”
"The ‘good’ may take few long moments to surface. But surely, it will surface.
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